How Family Therapy Can Help Your Child With ARFID: Working From a Neurodivergent-Affirming, Sensory-Attuned, Trauma-Informed Model
by Dr. Marianne Miller, LMFT, Specializing in ARFID therapy with families and individuals in San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco Bay Area and throughout California, Texas, and Washington DC.
When a child has Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), family mealtimes can quickly shift into stress and worry. Parents may wonder whether to push their child to try new foods, follow their lead completely, or attempt structured strategies like food chaining. The truth is that ARFID does not look like other eating disorders. It is not rooted in body image concerns. Instead, it often comes from sensory sensitivities, distressing experiences with food, or neurodevelopmental differences.
Family therapy that is neurodivergent-affirming, sensory-attuned, and trauma-informed offers a path forward. It helps children feel safer with food and safer in their bodies, strengthens parent-child bonds, and moves toward making eating opportunities into moments of connection rather than conflict.
NEURODIVERGENT-AFFIRMING CONNECTION
Many children with ARFID are also neurodivergent. Their brains and bodies process the world differently. A neurodivergent-affirming approach respects these differences instead of trying to correct them. This includes honoring a child’s autonomy and making feeding a consent-based experience. When a child knows they will not be pressured or forced, trust builds. Consent-based feeding does not mean giving up on growth. It means allowing children to explore food on their own terms with parental support. This shift helps reduce anxiety and fosters a stronger bond between parent and child.
SENSORY-ATTUNED SAFETY
The sensory aspects of food, such as taste, smell, texture, or sound, can feel overwhelming for children with ARFID. A sensory-attuned therapist helps families understand that these sensitivities are real. Parents can learn practical ways to reduce overwhelm at meals, such as offering texture options, separating foods on a plate, or adjusting the eating environment. These changes make food feel less threatening and demonstrate that a child’s needs are valued. This creates safety and lowers distress, opening space for new experiences.
TRAUMA-INFORMED BONDING
Children who have had frightening experiences like gagging or choking may carry fear into every meal. They also may have had negative experiences in medical systems that invalidated difficulties with food, or with eating disorder treatment centers that forced feedings and exposures without attuning to sensory needs or trauma history. Trauma-informed therapy helps parents respond to these fears with compassion. By creating predictability and safety, parents show their child that they are allies, not enforcers. This reassurance strengthens the parent-child bond and allows the child to approach food without the weight of fear. When safety is prioritized, eating becomes less distressing and more manageable.
FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS AS HEALING
Family therapy helps restore connection around the dinner table. Instead of battles and tears, meals can be reimagined as opportunities for warmth and care. When parents respect their child’s limits while gently supporting exploration, the entire family system benefits. Stronger bonds reduce defensiveness and create space for positive food experiences. The goal is not only expanding what a child eats but also creating a safe and nurturing family environment.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Raising a child with ARFID is challenging, and it does not have to fracture family life. Neurodivergent-affirming, sensory-attuned, trauma-informed family therapy helps children feel safe and understood. It strengthens bonds, fosters autonomy, and allows children to approach food with less distress.
If you are ready to learn more, my ARFID and Selective Eating Course offers practical strategies for both parents and adults with ARFID. It provides tools for creating supportive mealtime routines, addressing sensory sensitivities, and strengthening family connection.
For families located in California, Texas, or Washington, D.C., I also provide specialized ARFID therapy. If your child is struggling and you want tailored support for your family, I invite you to reach out and learn more about working with me directly. Together, we can build safety, strengthen bonds, and help your child approach food with greater ease.