Shame, Sex, and Body Image with San Diego Therapist Dr Jennifer Konzen

Feeling ashamed about your body? Does it affect your sex life? Body image issues can be prevalent in San Diego and elsewhere, and it can definitely come into play in your sexual relationship. Whether you struggle with an eating disorder, lots of people feel ashamed about their bodies. If you’re one of them, such shame can get in the way of having a fulfilling sex life, which can lead to even more shame. It’s as though shame manifests shame.

One of my former students, the brilliant, San Diego-based clinician: Dr. Jennifer Konzen, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist, knows a lot about shame and sexuality. She and I actually co-presented award-winning research on it. Jennifer has found that body image is a big part of sex. It’s a complex issue, especially for people with eating disorders. I’m excited that you’ll get to know more about it!

How long have you been a sex therapist in San Diego?

Seven years.

What do sex therapists in San Diego and elsewhere treat?

Individuals and couples come to sex therapy for sexual abuse backgrounds, support with sexual orientation and gender, sexual addiction, sexual dysfunction (erectile dysfunction, pain, low desire, premature ejaculation, lack of orgasm), problems in the sexual relationship, affairs.

What kind of body image issues come up in sex therapy?

Body image concerns come up with sexuality quite a bit, such as self-consciousness in the midst of sex, lack of interest or initiation sexually because of concerns with body image, or when a spouse shares they are not attracted to a partner. Lack of relaxation during sex due to body image concerns can cause challenges with sexual arousal and orgasm.

Talk a little bit about the role of shame with body image and sexual intimacy.

Shame connected to body image can cause someone to withdraw emotionally, especially if a partner is agressive, demeaning, or hostile. Those feeling shame because of body image may exhibit the shame through lack of eye contact, stammering, negative self-comments, squirming, inappropriate laughter, or avoidance of certain topics or overall sexual avoidance (Stadter, 2011; Tangney & Dearing, 2011).

Shame about body image can also lead someone to spectatorate, separating from their own body and viewing their body as if from above to see what it looks like or what it is doing while engaged sexually.

How do you address shame and body image in sex therapy?

There is a silence about body image that makes treatment challenging. One of the first steps is to normalize the challenges associated with body image and shame. Though it is not spoken about much, these kinds of negative thoughts are common.

Using psychoeducation to show how media has affected body image can open the conversation. Therapy can be a place to explore developing a loving acceptance of the body and to rejoice in the complex, amazing body one has.

It can be a process of reclaiming the beauty of the body, separate from the thin ideal. It can also include recognizing and celebrating all that the body does in daily functioning (how strong legs are, how kidneys work, etc.). Body appreciation is a significant step in treating shame associated with body image.

Learning to value your body also includes developing an enriching embodied life—learning to use and experience of the body in rewarding ways such as hiking, painting, feeling the river against the skin and the sand between the toes, dancing, playing volleyball, holding a loved one.

How can people learn more about you and find out how to contact you?

Website: theartofintimagemarriage.com

Email: jenniferkonzen@yahoo.com;

Books on sexuality for a Christian audience: The Art of Intimate Marriage and Redeemed Sexuality: A Gide to Sexuality for Christian Singles, Campus Students, Teens, and Parents  

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Hey everyone, I really appreciate you reading my blog!  Have a wonderful day. :)  

Marianne 

If you are struggling to find online eating disorder treatment with help with binge eating or other eating disorders in San Diego, schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation using the online scheduler (just click on the orange button), and I will help you get where you need to be! 

You can find more information about me on Instagram @drmariannemiller or on my Facebook page.